the maul

the maul understood the man           

the dark putrid space inside him         

where empathy was supposed to be           

there was death there                 

dreams of bosch               

saturn devouring his son                   

mother violence                   

like a tide of red ghosts lapping at toes 

saying more than words ever could                   

the maul knew dark things                   

how it could sate an urge for ill will                   

how it could make quick work                   

of a human skull                                     

and so                   

one day                                     

it did                                     

three of them                   

and at random                   

no pattern, just chaos                   

just pure, violent, blood spattering death 

a gift of gore to the watchful moon                   

the maul knew what to do                                     

he casually turned himself over to the police after 

before they even knew what he'd done       

what the maul had wrought 

there were three of them    

a completed work 

a trinity

the last ambulance

end of eyes         

and of a dusk drawl         

civil twilight for hair                 

sodium rain         

when a day is done                 

destroyer in vein               

watching the same car crash   

over and over     

and although you are still here 

you teach me how to mourn your passing         

one ambulance         

at a time

happiness

i can hear the roll-up door at the back of the truck 

bouncing up and down     

people are honking     

i forgot to latch it shut again     

i don't care     

i hate this job         

i'm wondering     

if a .380 against my temple would kill me     

or just hurt like hell         

there's a homeless guy on the corner     

beating a lamppost with a tent pole     

and with an expression     

somewhere between mental illness     

and happiness     

maybe both         

could i be happy?         

i deal with my loneliness     

by stalking a lady on the internet     

someone i knew some years ago     

that i've come to admire     

i obsesse over her     

i sent the friend request with a fake name     

it felt wrong             

it all feels wrong             

i wonder     

if maybe one day     

i could pass out at the wheel     

and wake up 

in another life

a dumbing

sky ever expanding

world ever closing in

the meat turns

sirius dies

house lights fade

eyes to dim 

and the apples to rot

generation expiration

no more color world

glow, understandings

because meat putrifies

if it is all 

that it can do

notes: a reference

the universe

is a party girl 

polishing off the roofied rum & coke god gave her 

see eden

see the fence lizard half in joshua's mouth

smiling as he bites down

the blood runs down his cheek

like strawberry glaze

see friendship

see bryanna on the swings forever ago

so long that she might as well 

have never existed

see year zero

see the day 

the demon spoke to me

see rancor

see karen 

and our magic tree stump

see red and blue lights 

cutting images of canyon wall and sage scrub 

from the darkness

see a lack of coherency

see burning white hot pain

see my black-boned angel 

and vernal eyes

see nothing

                      feel nothing

                                            be nothing

pyre

sun glowing through my eyelids

weiland's ghost
going on about his 'someday girl'

saturday's ghost
floating quietly in a vernal pool

a bit of earth in her iris

i'm on my pyre
staring up into the tumultuous heavens

but all i can see
are hibiscus petals

i see fire engines
and hemoglobin and

strawberries

tachinidae

time-travel 
back to the living room 
back to when my beer was full 

to parry the velvet 
and glitter above 

the world around us 
of carbon dioxide and carcinogens 
and syntax 

i can never see you

insects have it all figured out
flies have their compound eyes 

i have only these two 

my aura will travel up the living room curtains 
all orange and red and devouring

how tachinid larvae eat their host from the inside 

how emotions do the same