2 C8H18 + 25 O2 → 16 CO2 + 18 H2O

no help is
nothing but normalcy burns

photosynthesis stain
blame strange
song same drain names
mother mary beads
thumb and index

dreams

nothing means
fusion solution confusion

ex colorado flow allen
down all drowned
know hounds prowl
brain exposé say nice
day

dot the eyes
and burn

intruder

a can of red paint
falling from scaffolding

as I try to imagine stability
as I push the next round into its chamber

i think about families
who enjoy each others company

i think about god

(and a can tumbles in the sky)

i think about
the dinner table
when i was a teenager
where I revealed
i was a satanist

i slap the revolver shut
and it goes "click"
it's satisfying to hear
it's solid
it's affirming

a sound that only my weapon
can make

(the can falls. and we are falling)

my revolver blurring
as she comes back into focus
just above the barrel

i'm aiming

and shes sobbing,
hunched over his body

her everything

they're both in their pajamas
they were watching television
i watch

them

for a few moments
intrigued

fascinated with the raw emotion
that runs from her eyes
that emanates from her mouth

(the paint is fire engine red)

i wish it were me
laying there below her
loved
cherished

dead

but

this is real

this is their house
this is me
having found their spare house key
under the welcome mat
having shot a man six times

still kneeling by his body
she doesn't take her eyes
off of him

i pull the hammer back
with my thumb

and a loud bang
accompanies a burst of color
to the floor


It is beautiful
it is art


and she is dead

pathétique

a quiet quiet
pierce the doe browns

preceding the huff
to end all that was my world
laid down
unstrung and silent

and it humbles me now
to visit with my ghosts

i do not need rationalization
i do not need sensibility

i am vapor form

with my maria elena milagro de hoyos

messier 57

a wordly
is everything
your wordly is

read
like

piece of
substratum
flake

dreaming
of an everything

scent of plath, palahniuk or bukowski

sleeping
like pompeii

trepanning the cranium
with

a tiny metal
angel

and there is nothing

and there is
nothing

and there is

nothing

worth saving

you can see

a star in the sky
having already
burned out

quite some time
ago

ri^er

replacing the
name with
sleight of hand

companion to
nothing and
moon over water

into the river
like a baptismal

and i am born

lost in a
world of goodbyes

somewhere along
the alder

a scape

un chien andalou

cuts us open

for clarity

and the sun
surely

does not belong

here

there is only

mayhem
below us

and fire ants
glowing orange-red
on an exodus
to the clouds above

we were holding

hands

twelve-hundred feet up
on the garcia trail
squeezing so hard that it hurt

her long black hair

alive

and dancing in the wind
swirling like a van gogh skyline

we watch it all

waiting

for the screams
to stop

for the cities
to finish burning

and where her eyes should
have been
there was emptiness

her lips
dried and cracked

her voice
in deep inaudible murmurs

and everything
without





meaning






i miss her.

The Perils Of Lye

tongue of virus

licks it's lips
until they are coalesced

we will not need
words

we will never need words

and hollowness
will rain
from the heavens

Trinidad Esparza

more caring
than i could ever be

more man
than i ever will be

he taught me
chess

he encouraged me
to write

he loved
he cared

he sent mcdonalds
coupons every christmas
and birthday

he took me to disneyland






and i forgot him






and i was a ghost.



and

he loved
and he cared

and he was slumped
in his cubicle
when
they found him

and he was so pale
laying dead
in the emergency room

and i was in shock

and when i put my hand on his
shoulder
before they rolled
him away

i felt like a ghost

and i don't know
how to deal with this


and he was my uncle

and christ
it hurts

A Flower

you're real

and it
excites/scares/saddens
me

because
you were without
a name

for a time

you were jasmine or
dahlia or lilly

but now
you have a real name

and i don't understand
why that troubles me

it makes me sad

to know how little
i understand

myself