ra

it tugs at my nerves
like a snuff film 

i don't want to watch 

i don't want to feel what i feel 

this is jealousy

i need a civilization 
to be wiped from existence

for the moon to crash into the earth 

for the sun to explode 

i can feel a pair of lips on my cheek 

maybe the ghost of a bullet 

in a bar-scape 
your body is the center
like a star 

where primitives worship

where you

are you

when

i don't even think about that charred skeleton of a home anymore 
where the heart drained 

i don't even live there 

or so i tell myself 

where polaris went supernova 
where i died or lived 

i can never be sure 

where we turned with the world 
like pupils rolling back into our own skulls 

making love to the idea 
of being human 

and making love 

obsolete

endoaortic

the hydrogen glow
takes eight minutes to reach me

it passes through the atmosphere
and then through my rib cage

heaven has tear ducts 
that leak
like garbage bags

black sleep 
rotting at the bottom of wishing wells

amphitrite floating dead
in her brine

but you're you
you're always you

flickering in and out of this place 
and of the butterfly eyelash
iris' going supernova

to lay waste
to this wretched world

phoebe song

my playlist ran out on the radio

so it's just the phoebes singing in the citrus trees now

it's the whooshing sound
of passing cars

the world coming alive all around me

i'm sitting in my car
drunk and unemployed
waiting for the sun

it might as well be a firing squad

i have this tension in my stomach
swirling around
like the storm in jupiter's eye

and i feel so invisible

i feel alone

i don't want to die
but sometimes 

i think it would just make sense

sovereign

sovereign stance

absorbs the orange waning
of a butane star

i call it a
collis isthmus

i can feel the meat forming around my eyes
becoming a face

one that i have never seen

infinity
in the hair i push past her ear

mars ascending
through a crack in the skin

and it is red

and i knew that it would be

on the riser

eons pass

before the sandals return to the ground

that same smile

leading me to the edge of the world

and in full frolic

watching her halo sink into the hills in the distance

she is a dandelion seed on the breeze

a small girl in pirouette

a dead paratroop in the sky

time-travel

a year of sleep

so utterly full of nothing...

i think of my friend

putting pressure

on my neck with her hand

stifling my carotid artery

and everything goes black

life skipping ahead

just a tiny bit

to find everything just out of frame

the world applies pressure to my artery

and i wonder

when i'll revive